rest time

Rode Tom in the school today and although he still feels weak he does feel stronger than he did a few weeks ago. Did some basci schooling today in walk and trot really working on his balance and straightness and getting hind legs to push underneath him rather than out behind thus not being so on the forehand. Was really pleased with him by the end today. He came out a little on forehand with a tendency to rush but ended with him in a rythmn and balance and not somuch on his forehand. A pleasing ride.

On the otherhand had a chat with my vet about smurph today and we have decided that we are going to turn him away for 6months to a year. Am a little upset aboutt his but still it is his best chance. We had 2 options either i got on and rode him in walk and seen what happened or i turn him out for a long period of time to give him time to heal naturally. We opted for the second as we really have tried everything else. it has been nearly 6weeks since the cortisone injections so would be about now that they would begin to wear off which it would appear they are as he is coming out sometimes sound, sometimes stiff and sometimes lame. However it is not day to day but rather hour to hour but has no relevance to what he has done previous. So we will turn him out asap as soon as i can find somewhere and look at him in 3months and then see where we go from there so keeping everything crossed. Poor smurph going to be a bit of a culture shock am going to have to rug him very well as he is not an outdoor horse but hopefully it will do him some good mentally as well as physically. I have a place where I would like to keep him at a friend of mine which is just down the road but that really depends on whether she has space. The vet calls smurph a bit of a medical mystery ha ha trust me to have the 'special' horse. We shall see hopefully the parlmar carpal ligaments will finish mending by them selves. if anyone has any info about them it would be most gratefully recieved.

Spent today working in the pub boring as not very busy but now have some work for tomorrow which is usually my day off but did ask for any extra hours so can't complain as need the money -always the same in the equine industry.

Am also on the look out for a loan horse now so if anyone hears of any that would be great.

Time for a bit of pondering.....

x

come on?!!!

Been a while haven't been quite myself getting back to normal now I think or at least I hope so!!!

The decision I made turned out to be the wrong one but it is now time to put that all behind me and crack on. Smurph is a very lucky pony as should have been put down but we have decided to try subcutaneous cortisone which he had injected about 3 weeks ago. He comes out a little stiff at times dependent on how silly he has been walking in hand but mainly we seem to be getting there and if all goes according to plan I should get on him on tues-can't wait.

Tom is now back in work and doing really well hacking loads and a little in the school. A saddler is coming to fit a jumping saddle to him on wed as we can use my dressage saddle on the flat which seems to fit both smurph and him=phew!!! wxpensive business this is.

Work for me is increasing each and everyday which is super and is keeping me nice and busy and out of trouble but am having to make myself have one day off a week as other wise end up working 7 days a weeks with it being very lucky if it is only a 12 hr day. Still can't complain!!!

Right time to crack on had enough of this floating around business-watch this space!!!!! Time to turn life on it's head in a good way-come on!

new year ,new start

Hope new year was a good one. Have to say mine was well as much as i can remember didn't feel that great new years day. Was meant to go and see a possible new youngster a nice looking, well bred unbroken 3yr old gelding however my chest infection had got worse and was now coughing up blood so pretty much spent the day in bed. Obviously you cannot kill a chest infection with makers mark and sambuca!!!!! Do also have a few other horses that I am hopefully going to go see in the next few weeks if I get time. really pleased I have a really busy few weeks ahead which is a niceway to start the new year business wise.

So a few thoughts for new year:

• time to give smoking I think really worth a big effort
• try to get together a few more rides
• seriously look for a yard of my own
• realise that life is what you make it so make it a good one
• try to be a more supportive person to those I care so deeply about
• concentrate on getting my health better
• I think it's time that I really sorted out my life rather than just drifting make some proper descisions and stick to them, time to grow up
• time to put some deamons to rest
• What you are as a single person, you will be as a married person, only to a greater degree.
• I am like a falling star who has finally found her place next to another in a lovely constellation, where we will sparkle in the heavens forever.
• Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow.

I have made a very big descison about future plans ones that I am alittle scared about, one that makes me super excited, one that scares me and one that I am not 100% sure about, one that I am not sure is completely for all the right reasons but one that could possibly make me the happiest I will ever and have ever been, one that I need to hurry up and get rid of the deamons about or I stand to loose one of the most important people in my life whom I care so very much about and would move to the end of the earth for and back if asked. Sure it will all be fine and nerves are just part of it and completely natural lets hope I don't push them away.

mike this is to you: I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out.

Smurph is looking good so very nearly sound so hopefully that'll be the end of it will probably get on him on tuesday which is always fun and exciting something that i very much look forward to.

Happy new year

Happy new year may 2010 bring you everything you want and more.

Off to look at a younster tomorrow, and unbroken 3 year old! Hmm something nice to play with.

Here's to a better one!!!! cheers

x

a very merry xmas and a question

I hope everybody had a super Christmas and enjoyed it all and got everything you could have wished for.

I myself had a super Christmas I spent Xmas day with my family and boxing day with mike as he was unfortunately on duty on Xmas day but it did mean i greedily got 2 Xmas days!!! Had a fantastic day with the family my nan has come down and really finishes off the Xmas spirit as she really is a super person to have around always so down to earth but yet loves to see you living your dreams but is always there to talk to about anything. I have been very lucky this year and have had some super gifts so thank you to everyone clients, friends and family it is so much appreciated and I hope you all liked yours. Little dash was hilarious opening his own presents and is currently munching on a bone my sister bought him that is bigger than he is funny sight. I now have lots of nice new clothes that actually fit me rather than being too big and some super warm mega long thermal socks-cheers Santa!!!! wore a pair today and can honestly say my feet stayed lovely and toastie warm all day. We had a very nice day. I went down the yard and did the horses then back home for some breakfast opening of the stockings then bath and change. We opened a few present then went down to mum's pub for an hour then came back opened a few more presents. We then had a super Xmas dinner cooked superbly by mum and nan. Then with some very full stomachs we finished opening presents. for me Xmas is a family affair with even my other sister joining us and I cannot imagine what it must be like for those that are separated from their loved ones at Xmas i really do feel for you my dear. We then spent the rest of the day just relaxing watching some very easy to watch TV and having a few drinks. All in all a super day with lots of fun and family giggles and love. Mike then picked me up very late on the way back from work in a slightly merry state.

Boxing day I woke to a super coffee in bed that was followed by breakfast in bed with a difference. Mike had bought me the most unbelievable Xmas present and just proves how romantic my super super man is. I had a full breakfast plus a very romantic gesture. Mike gave me my breakfast knelt on one knee opened a little box and popped that question that every woman wants to hear from her loved one. The most super ring wishbone with 3 sapphires and 2 diamonds in it!!! Made me feel so so special I have however not given him an answer yet I love him unbelievably and would move the earth for him and he is the most amazing person who has stuck by me when many people would have run but yet something has stopped me from uttering that word that he would so have loved. However I have not said no and am seriously considering it if I could just put my finger on what it is that is stopping me saying that word and what is giving me these doubts. Wish they would go away. Love him unconditionally. xxxx

xxxx

happy christmas

Here's wishing everyone a very happy christmas may all your dreams and wishes come true.

A massive thank you to everyone for all your continued help and support and sometimes for just being there. Thank you for being there through it all the good and the bad here's to the glass not being half full but filling up completely!

hope you have a fantastic day.

xxx

poor sumrph

I have to say I am loving everyones Christmas spirit this year, how everyone is pulling together and helping each other out through all this bad weather we are having.

Smurph is hopping lame again whether he has slipped or what I do not know but he is most definately lame on the left fore again. Slightly worrying there is no heat, swelling or excessive pulse which may seem like a good thing but he had none of that when he did his palma carpal ligaments before which does make me worry. I was kind of hoping it was ous in the foot but with no heat or pulse it seems very unlikely. I was unable to get hold of my vet today and the vet that was at the yard this afternoon had a quick look without getting him out of the stable said he didn't know but to do what I had originally thought which is to keep him on strict box rest, ice on the knee in case, bandages and bute for a few days and then have another look and assess and hopefully will be able to get in contact with him and luckly he is the vet on call over xmas. Fingers crossed it is something very simple but my gut is not saying so-sometimes gut feelings can be wrong-right?????

There is nothing more worrying than when you see your beloved horse who you adore and have spent so much time with trying to get him sound for so long get him fit and happy walking across to you obviously in so much pain. He is most definately lame and very lame at that even in walk-not great really. he is feeling very sorry for himself not even trying to bite when having rugs put on. the worrying thing for me is that the knee looks a little unstable i.e. the locking mechanism is not working properly but we shall see for now i shall do my best to keep him comfortable and happy.

I on the other hand am still feeling better than I have been if not a little tired but then that will have to be expected for a while.

had great fun tonight trying to wrap Xmas presents whilst being helped by the little puppy-hmm interesting experience indeed!!!!!

x

next year?!

So Christmas is so nearly here and it really is beginning to feel like it with all that snow outside. It really is a beautiful sight but do have to say am so very glad I was working in the pub today as I could admire it from the warm sat near the open fire that also makes it feel very much like the holiday season. It also allowed me to have snow ball fights with some of the customers that are also friends of mine and then go and warm up striaght away. It's something about this weather that brings out the kid in us all and how much fun it is to feel like a kid something we really don't appreciate whilst we are young and carefree. however did have to walk home as was not driving my little car home in this weather. Have to say actually quite enjoyed it there's certainly something very therapeutic walking home in the dark apart from its not quite dark because its snowing on your own with just your thoughts. So will walk back tomorrow to pick up the car and hopefully go and finish my xmas shopping otherwise there will be a severe lacking of presents under our tree!!!!!!



Feeling loads better today still tired but loads better in myself even managed to much out Smurph myself although not Tom felt one was enough for today. Tom is doing well got kicked in the field the other day and had to have staples but is having them out on wednesday fingers crossed but really like the way the wound is healing and he is still sound despite it. Smurph certainly enjoyed being out yesterday and today although only made it for one hour yesterday before turing himself inside out although today was a little better after giving me heart failure with a massive leap and a buck-something those spanish stallions all would be proud of!!!!!!! At least we know he is most definately feeling well and the leg is showing no signs of any issues what so ever so fingers crossed it will stay that way. Friend of mine that has been riding him says he feels super and so much stronger and more flexible so I think I'll take that as a compliment.



Have so much enjoyed watching olympia this week and although I usually go it has been quite nice to watch it in the warm without having to worry about getting back in this terrible weather. What exciting young horses britain have for the future who have all been brought on so well by their riders would be nice to think one day I may well have horses like this-we can all dream can't we?! Sometimes I wonder is going to work for someone fulll time might help a little but the truth is I like the struggle of a freelance instructor and love meeting all the different people well we shall see. Am going to look for some more rides for next year so if anyone has any ideas or even a very long shot or knows of horses that need riding please do not hesitate to contact me it would be so much appreciated mean while I shall continue to work as hard as I possibly can and learn as much as is humanly possible in the hope that one day someone may take a chance on me. After all we all deserve a lucky break don't we? Was once told told ' you make your own luck' and 'if you want something enough you'll make it happen'. These are what I try to live my life by by working as hard as I can everyday and do my best in everything. So lets try to make next year my year the year things really crack on for me-everything crossed.

Off to watch the rest of olympia.

x

struggling but need to be strong

Ever been so tired that you can't even be bothered to get up off the chair??? Reckon its called fatigue-well if it is I don't like it much. Struggling today feeling rubbish well reckon i'll have to get used to it for a while but there is of course hope that I won't!!!!!

Song for this evening very much how I feel and what I reckon I've got to find:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xO3Dco5OdqE

will write more tomorrow

x

ouch!!!!!

so two days after and am extremely sore. I have gone from feeling like I've been hit by a train to like I've been hot by a bus back to being hit by a train! Have to say I'm beginning to get used to being in pain like this although would really rather not. Thank goodness for massive painkillers as if I'm in this amount of pain with them then would rather not think about being without them. Recieved a very kind thought from someone that if there was such a present then she would give me one that would take away the pain and all the scary stuff bless you my dear.

Hopefully this should be the end of it have to say that really would be rather nice. Back tomorrow to have the dressing changed-well in theory althought the snow might put a stop to that then start the drugs monday still should feel bit better by Christmas-phew. hopefully those side effects will not affect me there is always that hope. Going to be a long old road ahead but have to say really hope it is worth it in the end.

emotionally I am drained, physically I am drained but for me getting back to normality is the best way forward helps my brain to cope. Sleep always seems like such a super idea but when it is constantly disturbed if you move its not something you always look forward to but that is what I have spent the last few days mostly doing either at ours or at friends. A huge thank you must go out for all the unlimited suppport from friends without it I could not have coped at all wish there was someway to repay you all. xxx

Still at least now I am on the road to recovery and just have to keep positive thoughts after all the power of the mind is something quite extraordinary indeed good thing that mine does work. Little dash man as hyper as he normally is has been very chilled and ahasnt really left my side except obviously when I'm not at home. Mike really is my pillar of strength so thatnk you my darling you make this long old road very bearable and even allow me to laugh (ouch!!!) at it on occassions and your support and unconditional care will never be forgotten. I have lots to make up for. big hugs and kisses. xxxx

Still from the mental point of view at least we now know what we are dealing with and how to go about sorting it all out. For me the not knowing is worse than the knowing. At least when you know you can deal with it and look at it from a different view point almost like we can now have a plan and when you have a plan anything is possible, anything is managable.

Smurph is being kept up and together and apparently is behaving himself in the most part and not putting me to shame. May be going to have a look at a couple of youngsters monday and tuesday next week crazy I know but a friend of mine who is a very good rider is going to come and ride for me if i want to go that far.

Still this actually does help writing is very therapeautic sometimes finding the words is the most difficult part but once you start it becomes a lot easier. anyway still trying to find it very difficult to write about the emotional stuff which i do need to get out but maybe that for another time.

x

scared

so here we go all set and ready for tomorrow....

Scared yes very, stressed yes very, tired yes very and so on and so on. Can't believe how many emotions the brain and body is capable of all at once. Am so in need of sleep yet still can't the body amazes me how it can run on reserve batteries for so long!

Been trying to put this week into words for a while but have struggled. I've written and then deleted it and then written and deleted so hopefully this one will actually make it.

On the plus side Smurph was excellent today bless him which I so needed. Since our lesson we have been doing a lot more lateral type work. couldnt really say its proper lateral work due to him not being overly strong obviously after such a long lay off but it really is doing wonders for his suppleness which is then improving his work which is enabling him to be more through his body and therefore should lead to him getting stronger. Had some super work today especially his trot which felt very light but with suspension but with him still through and into the contact well as much as he could possibly give me at this moment. so loooking forward to riding him when I can get back on him. A couple of friends are going to ride him for the next week or two but i will be there watching as much as possible not to criticise but just so I know how he is going. One of them is an absolutely superb rider and will improve him no doubt so I'm sure I will have a super horse when I get back on him-also helps that she is a fan of his which I take as a very big compliment.

Anyway actually still cant put into words how I feel other than I am so unbelievably scared and really can't wait for tomorrow to be over at least then I can make some decisions and either live with it or try to make what might possibly be one of the hardest decisions I will possibly ever have to make but if it does what it needs to well then the decision is made for me really.

on goes the rollarcoaster of life....

x

a little scared

it's a very scary world in which we live in one that never really makes any sense at all. for example why is it when something goes wrong I try to push those people I care about away. Is it because I dont want to hurt them or for them to get hurt or is it because I really can sometimes be a not very nice person to be around- I really hope it's the first.

Struggling would be the word for the last few days. I always like to see the glass as half full not half empty but right now I can only see it as half empty or sometimes just empty. Still have lesson on Smurph to look forward to tomorow. Funny isn't it how just a few little words can make your world turn upside down and everything not seem so rosey. How a few little words can make you more scared than you have ever been before and more scared than you ever wanted to feel or wanted to feel again!!! It's going to be a hard time ahead with so many emotions to deal with oh and no I'm not pregnant now that really would be scary. thing is I'm not sure that I can cope with it all again I'd like to say Ill find that inner strength but if I'mhonest I think that's all run out but maybe there's some hiding somewhere deep down some that I can grab and contiue on and try to pretend that everything is ok take a deep breath and face the world continuing as normal. I really want to do this more than anything but ever been so down you just can't seem to find a way to the surface? It's not a great place to be. I am so lucky to have Mike who is there for me no matter and always greets me with a hug and a smile and says ' dont worry it will all be ok'. thing is how does he know it will be how does he know that it's not all going to go wrong but he does make me feel better and maybe I can fight this feeling and keep going one day at a time. Silver lining to every cloud least I will get a few easy weeks!!!!! Still this is his song for me and have to say mine to him. I feel he is trying to be ever so brave for me but kinda just wish he'd sit and cry with me as you know he wants to. We all put on a face at some point some more than others but occasionally you do need to show your true colours but scared doesn't even come close.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wS53zuf_X10

x

definately a bonus

not really sure where to start tonight have to say but am hoping that by starting to write it might all become clear and can hopefully get it down mainly for the very selfish reason that i need to try to work it out in my head.

so smurph was super today we did a little bit of long reining in the rain and have to say am really pleased with the way he is looking and beginning to carry himself naturally and is certainly getting stronger especially in the hind leg which is pleasing as this is where he is naturally weak due to conformation being a little straigh through the hock. He is also getting fitter which is becomming very clear so am going to up his work load slightly and see how he copes. the vet is back out on thursday for what i hope will be to sign him off and just to come back and see him once he is in full work. Looking forward to thurssday as am having my first lesson on him since april will be good to see what adam thinks.

So onto the rest of the day. Had an appointment this morning which has lead unfortunately to some not so great news and a great deal of stress for me. really thought it was all sorted but obviously it was not to be and the annoying thing for me being a control freak is that i cannot control it in anyway what so ever. It is a super stressful time and there is nothing i can do but keep everything crossed and try not to get myself to down about it all after all everday is a bonus!

cant write much more tonight so will try again in the morning

x

everyday is a bonus

Have had the most manic fews weeks I could possibly imagine! So much so that I actually had to turn down work to give myself any sort of time of that I was so much in need of. However busy is good and so may it continue.



Smurph is doing so well and is now cantering and can honestly say that he is enjoying it very much and have now had a few sit tight moments but it is actually fairly nice as it seems as if it is just because he is enjoying being back in work. The physio saw him last friday and was very pleased with him and although he had a few little bits of stiffness which is to be expected he was in pretty good shape so fingers crossed long may it continue.



have to say am not all that impressed with this current bit of weather we are having definately on my christmas wish list this year is an indoor school that follows me around so i never have to get as soaking wet as i have in the last couple of weeks!!!!!!!!! I am however impressed with the amount of clients that are still turning up and wanting lessons- some people are really commited and are even booking lessons at a crazy 7:30am!!!!!



Have come to the conclusion you need to live everyday like it is your last as you never know what might happen and that nothing is a given after all we are all living on borrowed time and everyday is a bonus! few things on my mind but sure its nothing to worry about.
my tunes for the evening.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CucxvWqm7Uk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rkkw8RhH9ck&feature=related

x

Had a nice kind of day off yesterday. Had a lie in till 8.30 which makes a super nice change to the alarm going off at 630! Went off to see a friend quickly for a little for a bit of a catch up and to chat about the yard that I may move Smurph to and think he will be very happy there and the big selling point is a) it is a much smaller yard b)has a walker c) he can have all year individual turn out! dash had a run around with little Weasel who is actually smaller than Dash-shocking!

We then went down to Rycroft so he could have a run a round and a play with buster who is his best mate and who play together for ages. Funny sort of combination to play together a little jack russel and a staff x lab!!! But somehow they get on so well and buster seems to be fully aware of how little dash is and is a bit careful even when they are playing rough!

then off to work for a couple of hours then back to ride Smurph who is going better and better each day and is getting stronger and fitter and is beginning to slowly get a little of his old spark back so sit tight!

Went to a biomechanics lecture at the yard last night with a friend who stayed over. It was very interesting although there wasn't a huge amount of biomechanics in it but some very useful ideas none the less. Sometimes things that you know said in a differrent way makes everything a lot clearer. There were a couple of things that were said that were light bulb moments and when I get my notes in order I will post some of it up here. Have to say though I am very much looking forward to the next one.

My friend rode Smurph this morning and he was a good boy but was interesting to see him from the floor and he is always decieving when you ride him to how he looks from the floor but in general I am very happy with the way he is progressing.

A couple of hours at home then off to teach for the afternoon.
relax time
x

manic week

I have had the most manic week I think I have possibly ever had and the result is a very happy but very tired me but then tiredness is only a state of mind. Have mostly been leaving the house between 630-7 and getting in around 730-8 so very busy indeed however busy is good and certainly no complaining here but am most definately looking forward to my kind of day off tomorrow.

The weather has not been that great this week so I am very impressed that in most part clients have shown up and only a couple have cancelled. It's nice to see that the weather is not getting the better of people and boy have we had some rubbish weather this week and has certainly made riding some of the horses entertaining and of course teaching with some of them has been a little challenging but it certainly shows me what super horses we have.

Smurph has mostly behaved himself this week with the exception of one moment but is doing really well and is up the a fiar amount of trotting now and all the signs are good and very promising-maybe we will be out competing next year fairly early on after all obviously starting with some dresage. he is now consistently working in a long and low frame making sure he really is coming over the back from the hindleg and seems to be building up muscle in all the correct places. He somehow managed to frop a fair amount of weight recently so is really enjoying his lovely big haynet and munching his way through a huge amount of hay and is now looking loads better almost too much better now so can now start to reduce his hay intake a little. hope to start cantering in a couple of weeks as long as everything goes ok. The physio is out on friday which is super timing as has now been in work 5 weeks and will be 6 by the time james sees him on friday so fingers crossed he will also be pleased with him.

Have done a fair amount of riding this week as have been trying to catch up after being on crutches so I'm sure the ankle will be glad of the rest tomorrow with the exception on Smurph I have the day off and working in the puba couple of hours at lunchtime. Am going to see a friend in the morning who has just rung me to say there is a space available at her yard which to be honest as much as I love it where Smurph is I think this may be better for him as there is only 7horses on the yard and he can permenantly have individual turn out which is much better forhim. There is also a walker which for me is a greart thing to have as he can go on it whilst I'm muking out and then be ridden for a shorter time for those days when I am completely manic and beside all that it is cheaper which in this day and age is obvioulsy a big consideration. Tom on the other hand will be staying where he is and i will continue to help look after him and work him as he is also beginning to come back into work. No 100% descisions made yet though and will have a couple of days to have a good old think about it and let the appropriate people know but am going down to speak to the owner in the morning which I'm sure will help to help me with my decision.

Right very important x factor result about to be decided and then of course I'ma celebrity and the sleep.

x

chilled to the bone.

A fav pic of mine from last year of Steven who I hope will be very happy at his new home!

so a super cold few days! That horrible kin of cold that chills you to the bone so far that only a super hot bath and hiding under the duvet is going to get rid of. Yesterday's weather was unbelievable and probably would look quite amazing if you were able to sit inside with the heating on watching from the comfort of the house. However for me it was not a good day to be at the office so to speak although I was very lucky to have some super clients all of which, amazingly, turned up to their lessons and apart from a couple of children, who were so unbelivably cold due to parents not wrapping them up, noone complained. had great fun despite the weather really do enjoy teaching at this place. It's not a riding school but a livery yard where all the people are either eventers or SJ or training to be able to compete an is so refreshing to be teaching those type of people all morning. it really is super to see those clients who have lessons and then come back and say this is how I did at the weekend or lastweek we had 2 down this week we had a double clear. This is the type of teaching that I really enjoy. I mean I do enjoy the riding school teaching but I think you need a bit of both to help to keep you fresh.

Today I was over at HP and have had a super day despite the cold. I do really enjoy teaching here I mean we all have days where we just want to bury ourselves under the duvet and sleep to catch up on sleep from all those long days which are part of the job that I love so much. Everyone was really in the mood for some super lessons today and I felt that I achieved a lot with each an every client today which is always a nice feeling for an instructor to have. The best part of the days was to watch one of my group lessons jumping a small course. We have been doing lots of work on rythmn, balance and lines recently and was so nice to watch it all come together and to see how much their ridin has improved so well done girls am proud of all of you. At the moment there is a lady shadowing some of the instructors at HP as she wants to improve her teaching to take back to frnace with her when she goes back in 2 weeks. She's english but has decided to go and teach in france so fair play to her. It was interesting to see how she became more cinfident each and every lesson in which she helped and taught a little. Due to how the lessons turned out today she spent most of the day with me and hopefully she both enjoyed it and learned lots.

Right have loads to do tonight lots of searching for yards and people to catch up with and lots of emails to reply to and sort whilst trying to play with dash and of course catch up with some good tv. Certainly know its coming towards Xmas as all the reality shows are airing so off to continue watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here!!!!

Get on Murphy tomorrow as long ankle all ok has been over 2 weeks since I last sat on him and despite other people being very kind and riding him I just can't wait to get back on him myself.

x

First things first a very big congratulations to The Reading Uni riding team on a super first place gained at Brunel yesterday so well done everyone.

I am going to spend the evening searching the internet for yards for rent/sale in the hope that we may well find something sooner rather than later. Spoke to a friedn this evening who seems to think she may well know of some so is going to do some research for me and speak to a few people and then let me know so fingers crossed something may come of that but mean while I will keep searching and bug all my contacts as much as they will let me.

Smurph went out for a hack today with a friend of mine from the yard today who is a super rider which no doubt has done him the power of good and she has very kindly agreed to ride him again tomorrow. She said that he feeld completely fine if not a bit on the lazy side but for the moment its probably no bad thing untill he is a little stronger and can cope with any moments that he is going to have. He is is now beginning to look a little stronger and more capable which is super news and is coping with the slight increase in workload that we are now doing with him. i can't wait to get back on him so fingers crossed for saturday and failing that monday. Am going to try to get back on him on saturday but we shall see think I'll go fo a little hack with a friend and will try to ride something at the riding school tomorrow.

Am struggling at the moment with always being tired and nothing seems to be helping so am going to try some b-vitamins and poss iron and if that does'nt help will try to get to the doctors to have a blood test me thinks.

x

birthday

Had a super birthday yesterday in general had a bad start to the day but other than that had great fun.

A super little scurry pony that I had spent so much time with over the years was put down yesterday. He has been a fantastic part of a super team over so many years but now at the age of 24 it was time for him to go to a better place. he will be sorely missed by everyone but have to say if I do next season it certainly won't be the same without him. Went down to see him early in the morning armed with mints, carrots and camera. he was totally spoilt but hey why not? Have so many pictures of him but somehow it just didn't seem enough. A few tears, mints, carrots and lots and lots of cuddle later I said my goodbyes and headed off to see Smurph.

Smurph is doing well and was super cuddly yesterday when i first arrived. It never ceases to amaze me that the horse has such a super sixth sense.

Had lunch with my sister and it was so nice to catch up we don't see each other as much as either of us would like for various reasons so it was nice to just sit and chat for a while. We have decided that it should be done at least once a month. I had a super meal in the evening with lots of friends all from different places and they all seemed to mix really well which is always a relief. Had a fantastic time even if i did drink well a fair amount shall we say that led to me running round the house minus my crutches so was in a substantial amount of pain when I woke this morning both my ankle and certainly my head. had some really nice presents and cards and wishes which made for a super super evening which I enjoyed ever so much so thank you everyone. Have to say I'm not doing it justice as am so tired so will stop now and try to write a little better tomorrow.

On a fantastic note which made yeterday so so so special and certainly one to remember it looks like my dream of having ayard and therefore a base may well actually some true so much sooner than I ever thought it would. Someone I know and think the world of is looking to have somewhere where the horses can be at home or to rent for her horses has given me permission to look around for something that would suit us both and for this I cannot thank her enough for this opportunity so thank you. those two little words most definately do not seem enough but words cannot express how i feel about it apart from pure excitement.

So gone from having a super day yesterday to a proper down day today but can't put it down to anything at all just one of those days but the excitement from the yard keep a positive look on things that and the fact that smurph is doing well and dash is giving me loads of cuddles.

so off to bed now but will leave you with this super quote:
“If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.” michael jackson

night x

Decisions decisions

Interesting kind of day today went into work as we weren't sure if one of the teachers was coming in or not and luckily for me she did so I only had to one hour then went home. This allowed me to do a lot of thinking and decision making.

I have decided that:

• the glass is always half full
• stress is an unnecessary waste of energy(not that i think this will stop me stressing but you never know)
• it is time for me to try to find a base so i am on the look out for a yard to rent/use in return for looking after someones horses-with a friend
• i really ought to try to take on as many of the rides that I am offered to try to further my career
• To get where I want to go will happen it's just going to be a difficult journey to get there
• this is the year I need to kick myself up the arse and get competing seriously.

So with this in mind I really have spent a lot of the afternoon on the Internet trying to find some yards in the area that may well be worth going to look at and are possible for me the result: not a lot as yet but will keep looking after all if you want something enough you will make it happen. So all the time I would normally be spending riding will be spent looking around for possibilities as obviously can't ride at the moment because of these silly crutches but then the ankle will need to mend properly in order for me to have the career I want to the level I want as really can't have too many old injuries for fear they will come back to haunt me!

I have been offered a superb 9yr old gelding by Rubeinstein who is currently in Holland but is being brought over here for personal reasons and is being bought very cheap due to this. He is actually coming in to be sold if I can find a stable for him however really I would love to buy him as he may possibly be the horse that begins my really serious competing. He is working at their equivalent of advanced medium and knows tempi changes, etc and is learning piaffe and passage. He has just passed a 5 stage vetting and would be a super chance for me. Anyone know of someone that would either lend me the money or possibly buy him for me to ride-cheeky I know but worth a go after all unless you try you never get.

So please keep an ear out for a yard and also if anyone would be interested in sponsoring me and taking a chance of a hugely driven and ambitious young rider please contact me.

x