scared

so here we go all set and ready for tomorrow....

Scared yes very, stressed yes very, tired yes very and so on and so on. Can't believe how many emotions the brain and body is capable of all at once. Am so in need of sleep yet still can't the body amazes me how it can run on reserve batteries for so long!

Been trying to put this week into words for a while but have struggled. I've written and then deleted it and then written and deleted so hopefully this one will actually make it.

On the plus side Smurph was excellent today bless him which I so needed. Since our lesson we have been doing a lot more lateral type work. couldnt really say its proper lateral work due to him not being overly strong obviously after such a long lay off but it really is doing wonders for his suppleness which is then improving his work which is enabling him to be more through his body and therefore should lead to him getting stronger. Had some super work today especially his trot which felt very light but with suspension but with him still through and into the contact well as much as he could possibly give me at this moment. so loooking forward to riding him when I can get back on him. A couple of friends are going to ride him for the next week or two but i will be there watching as much as possible not to criticise but just so I know how he is going. One of them is an absolutely superb rider and will improve him no doubt so I'm sure I will have a super horse when I get back on him-also helps that she is a fan of his which I take as a very big compliment.

Anyway actually still cant put into words how I feel other than I am so unbelievably scared and really can't wait for tomorrow to be over at least then I can make some decisions and either live with it or try to make what might possibly be one of the hardest decisions I will possibly ever have to make but if it does what it needs to well then the decision is made for me really.

on goes the rollarcoaster of life....

x