ouch!!!!!

so two days after and am extremely sore. I have gone from feeling like I've been hit by a train to like I've been hot by a bus back to being hit by a train! Have to say I'm beginning to get used to being in pain like this although would really rather not. Thank goodness for massive painkillers as if I'm in this amount of pain with them then would rather not think about being without them. Recieved a very kind thought from someone that if there was such a present then she would give me one that would take away the pain and all the scary stuff bless you my dear.

Hopefully this should be the end of it have to say that really would be rather nice. Back tomorrow to have the dressing changed-well in theory althought the snow might put a stop to that then start the drugs monday still should feel bit better by Christmas-phew. hopefully those side effects will not affect me there is always that hope. Going to be a long old road ahead but have to say really hope it is worth it in the end.

emotionally I am drained, physically I am drained but for me getting back to normality is the best way forward helps my brain to cope. Sleep always seems like such a super idea but when it is constantly disturbed if you move its not something you always look forward to but that is what I have spent the last few days mostly doing either at ours or at friends. A huge thank you must go out for all the unlimited suppport from friends without it I could not have coped at all wish there was someway to repay you all. xxx

Still at least now I am on the road to recovery and just have to keep positive thoughts after all the power of the mind is something quite extraordinary indeed good thing that mine does work. Little dash man as hyper as he normally is has been very chilled and ahasnt really left my side except obviously when I'm not at home. Mike really is my pillar of strength so thatnk you my darling you make this long old road very bearable and even allow me to laugh (ouch!!!) at it on occassions and your support and unconditional care will never be forgotten. I have lots to make up for. big hugs and kisses. xxxx

Still from the mental point of view at least we now know what we are dealing with and how to go about sorting it all out. For me the not knowing is worse than the knowing. At least when you know you can deal with it and look at it from a different view point almost like we can now have a plan and when you have a plan anything is possible, anything is managable.

Smurph is being kept up and together and apparently is behaving himself in the most part and not putting me to shame. May be going to have a look at a couple of youngsters monday and tuesday next week crazy I know but a friend of mine who is a very good rider is going to come and ride for me if i want to go that far.

Still this actually does help writing is very therapeautic sometimes finding the words is the most difficult part but once you start it becomes a lot easier. anyway still trying to find it very difficult to write about the emotional stuff which i do need to get out but maybe that for another time.

x