Wisdom from winnie the pooh!!!!!

So now I have managed to get my scrambled stressed brain into some sort of order and am making some kind of sense I shall try to make some sense on here.

Very busy day at the yard today which helps as keeps me busy and therefore not giving my brain much time to go into overdrive about things. I was meant to be working at the pub tonight but to be honest I'm too tired and my brain just wouldn't cope so have swaped my shift with my friend who was doing tomorrow evening-maybe one more day will help?!

Georg C. Lichtenberg:
One's first step in wisdom is to question everything - and one's last is to come to terms with everything.

How very true indeed.

Rode jack again today (ex event horse) and he was super really is beginning to relax stretching down comfortably and today even mannaged to stretch so much he was on the buckle in canter so was so so pleased. He really is good for me at the moment as when I am on him I think of nothing else but him and how he feels how I can make it nicer for him etc. Looks like i shall be riding him a lot.

I think sometimes we just want that one last conversation, that one last thing to say one last time to say I love you but it's just not possible. However if I could have one last conversation with Ben I think I would say very simply 'I love you and thank you for everything. Every single day, every single moment, everything you ever said to me and every little bit of support and for being with me in the past the present and the future and how I wish things could be different. So thank you and I love you.'

I think he would reply with something like this quote from Winnie the pooh:
'If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart.. I’ll always be with you'.-- Winnie the Pooh

I would however just like so say that yes I miss Ben terribly everyday and not a day goes by when I don't think of him and wish that yes it would have been nice in 50yrs to be sat on Brighton Pier with fish and chips but Mike is my rock and is there with me every step of the way. We both knew Ben for many years and is nice that we both understand how we each feel and deal with it together and comfort each other through the difficult times. Have to say I think I am very lucky. I have a super man who loves me and looks after me and some super friends who I could always make that 4am phone call to and know that they would pick up reguardless. So role on Tuesday and hopefully all will be ok as I hate feeling like this and really would like to feel like my normal self.. So by tuesday I will know about Murphy and I will know about me. Still sore today but little less then yesterday so good news.

Right going to eat something before I get severely told off then I think an early night.

x